When dog-owning couples split up – what if your ex still wants to take care of the dog on the weekends?
When dog-owning couples split up – what if your ex still wants to take care of the dog on the weekends?
When our marriage ended in 1999, we owned a house and three dogs. The house was sold and we agreed to let the dogs live with me because I worked from home but my husband had a full time job outside the home. As you can imagine, I was very happy with this decision, although looking after three dogs put a strain on my finances at the time.
After my ex-husband found a new apartment, he told me he wanted to keep in touch with the dogs and take them out for walks two or three times a week.
This was not good news because I didn’t want to see him almost every day! I mean, when you break up, you don’t really want to see your ex that often, do you?
We had agreed to part ways as friends anyway and the dogs still loved him so much. Well, how could I refuse his request? We finally agreed that he would come pick them up on Tuesdays and Fridays for two hours.
The dogs enjoyed their walks and in the end I was very happy to have two dog free afternoons when I didn’t have to take them on a long walk.
The arrangement ended when it became clear that for financial reasons I had to give up the one dog and he took her.
Since then, many people have asked me if it would be good for their dogs if their ex-partner still took them out every now and then. I even know of a couple who agreed to have their dog spend a week with him and a week with her.
The question is: Can a dog handle two primary caretakers who don’t live together, or is a dog a person who needs to bond exclusively with one person?
Does it harm the dog if it is taken out by a person who lived with it?
I do not think. I’m sure a dog benefits when he can maintain his bond with his “other” mate. After all, it is not the dog that has separated from its mistress or master, but the mistress and master who have decided to separate.
If your ex wants to see the dog, there’s nothing wrong with that idea from your dog’s perspective.
Whether you like it or not is another matter.
Sometimes being generous is a good thing – and then again, if you really hate your ex, it might not be such a good idea after all.
The advice I give my clients is this:
If both you and your ex-partner are sure that all he or she wants is to take care of the dog on a regular basis, it might be worth a try.
If, on the other hand, one of you is trying to avoid the final breakup or rekindle the relationship through the dog, it might not be such a good idea after all, because it means the dog is just being used as an excuse not to accept your mutual decision .
Whichever way you decide, please remember: Neither children nor dogs should be used as weapons against each other when it comes to divorce or breakup.
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