Gaslight: How to recognize
Gaslight: How to recognize
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It seeks to sow the seeds of doubt in the targeted individual. The purpose of the gas lighter is to make the victim question their own perception, memory and reason.
Befriending you and gathering information from friends and family are ways the abuser gets an idea of how to undermine your mental health. If you have even a minor mental problem, it will be greatly exaggerated and much discussed.
Dominate or destroy is the basic premise of gaslighting. Usually, early childhood issues play out in the unbalanced mind of the aggressor. Anger and jealousy are often at the root of the situation.
This is not a one time or temporary situation. It often goes on indefinitely until a crisis sheds light on the situation. Concealment is a hallmark of this form of mental and emotional abuse. Isolation and emotional manipulation are also common tactics.
My sister has been undermining my life, my role in our family, and my spirit for decades. I’m not surprised her abuse escalated after vicious gossip and backbiting. As she recruited new people to her cause to reject me, her sense of power increased. He needed to exercise this power as often and fully as he could.
I avoided meeting anyone in her world. It is not known how many versions of falsehoods were repeated. Her efforts to convince everyone that I was delusional and my mother had full blown dementia were constant.
There is a term called “double documentation”. If two doctors judge that a person has dementia, a third party (my older sister) can take over care. The plan was to institutionalize my mother against her will and be done with her. Her life blocked the use of family land.
She lived in fear and I joined her. As soon as I arrived and locked down her residence at the Lexington Place Medical Facility, I became a target. It immediately became about my mental state and the way I carried myself.
We both dreaded the end. When Mom died, I became an open target. The police were at my door with an eviction notice days after it was mentioned. A judge gave me and 10 elderly rescue animals five days to leave.
Friends stepped in or the dogs and I had no choice but to plan an extended camping trip by the lake. I literally shook with fear. Gabapentin kept the cravings for alcohol at bay, but it got dangerous. After Mom’s eulogy, I began to shut down emotionally.
After the judge spoke, I just walked out of the courtroom. They called me for legal fees but I barely had enough gas to get home. I got to our little trailer in the middle of the Piney Woods and broke down. I needed to grieve my mother.
More police soon. I walked out with my new Texas license in hand. I shook hands with the two policemen and apologized. I told them that my sister Cindy was using them to bully me. They obviously expected to find me in an altered state. I told the paramedics who joined them that I was ready to do any test. Not necessarily.
My sister is not done. Her anger runs through her soul. It has built up and built up over the years since it started around high school. Shaking up my mental health and emotional stability is the goal. Constantly reminding others of my weakness – perceived or real – keeps the destructive energy alive.
No victim should remain in the role. It was surprising that I defended my mental state repeatedly, but no one found a serious defect. Depression/anxiety issues are now constant. One 10 mg. Lexapro has now become 8 meds a day since I came to live near family.
Gaslight is a serious abuse. Deals more damage than meets the eye. When a person’s core is attacked, survival instincts kick in. I no longer feel safe when I am alone in the room with my sister. She has often assumed that I might be violent. She would stab herself, throw the knife away and say I did it. It is so advanced in my case.
“Stop sharing what’s happening on ‘social media’ or you’ll get hurt,” she growled. Her husband chimed in, “And so will she.” I told her that I don’t know of ours physically threatening each other. My advanced degenerative disc disease quickly reminded me how vulnerable I am to injury.
My situation has gone too far. I could not leave my mother and it was unbearable to bear. Watching my mother fade away after burying my little sister caused a total meltdown. I had to be hospitalized. It was necessary.
I saw how a man could take my sensitive heart and caring nature and use it to try to crush me. She knew I would stay and take care of mom, but she wanted the credit to go to the caring daughter. When I showed up and found her living in filth, I almost called adult services.
Cleaning this whole place was what was needed, but with the constant attacks from my sister, it was never peaceful for any length of time. We did what we could and extended her life by a few years by rescuing abused animals. This part of this journey kept us both going.
Today I learn that it has been announced through the elders in my family that I am delusional and “addicted to pills”. Not an ounce of truth, but dad, my loving aunt and some nephews are worried. It pains my soul to know that I have caused anxiety. My sister enjoys the drama.
My feeling is that without divine intervention or a total meltdown, my gaslighter will find the anger and energy to continue trying to diminish my worth in the world indefinitely. It’s such a dark disorder. Many do not recover. But I choose not to be a victim anymore.