Do fairy tales exist?
Love at first sight. They can be seen from across the room. Their eyes lock. Every other person fades away. The music starts. He approaches her and it’s like they’ve known each other all their lives. They kiss. They are getting married. And 2.5 kids and a black lab later, they live happily ever after. After all. It’s a fairy tale.
I do a lot of relationship work with my clients. And it’s no surprise that I hear the same complaints over and over from men and women. It’s almost as if they’ve both forgotten that relationships take work.
One woman I’ve worked with over the years told me that monogamy is a thing of the past. For some, yes. For many, no. When we went through her dating history, all of her relationships ended in cheating or she was just a ghost. Delving into these conversations, I asked if she was ever the one who committed the infidelity? She said yes. About a third of the time. When I asked why she came out? She said she didn’t want to be the one to get hurt first. Hmmm…
When does causing pain justify not working for progress? There comes a time when you have to decide that the relationship is not just about you. I have had several clients {and friends} who have been married 4 or more times. Guess what? It’s not them. It’s more than likely you. Marriage often gets a bad rap. Despite the bad reputation, the divorce rate continues to decline. A full 50% of all marriages that end in divorce have been unfaithful for quite some time. Marriage is like a fairy tale. They both accept jobs.
I am often asked what is the best advice you can give to someone getting married? The short answer. If you are not ready to give your all, especially when your partner is clearly not ready, marriage is not for you. Yes, a healthy marriage is reciprocal. But you can’t control that. All you can control is what you put into a relationship. I’m not suggesting you endure a lifetime of misery. I guess it’s very rare that you and your partner are giving your best to the relationship at the same time.
I know of couples that broke up because one of them got sick. They literally left because their significant other was bedridden for a few weeks. I’m not judging these people. However, I question whether they ever loved their partner in the first place. Or did they rather like the idea of how their partner made them feel?
So do fairy tales exist? I believe they do. But they require work. And if you work. You might just see the happy ending you’re looking for.
#fairy #tales #exist
