A cat soap opera?
Does he live with animal communicator so we all get along?
There’s no doubt that integrating cats can be very, very challenging. In my last post about Melissa’s integration, I thought I had finally turned the corner. Well, maybe it was just another corner in a complicated maze.
In the wild, domestic cats naturally live in multigenerational female family groups, as do lions. But when confined indoors and when cats are not bonded to each other, conflict can be difficult to overcome.
In our human families, we bring together cats that are not biologically related to each other. This can lead to great challenges as it is not natural for them to live this way.
When Starlight came out almost 5 years ago (that long ago? Really?) and was quickly integrated in about 2 months, I could hardly believe it was so easy.
Of course, a lot of preparation was done even before he was born. Also, Starlight has a very sweet personality. She doesn’t like to challenge anyone about anything. So naturally the existing hierarchy was never questioned and all was well.
Then Melissa came.
Melissa, by personality and possibly genetics, is a very dominant cat.
She wanted to take over the kennel she was born in.
Then at 6 months old she expected to dominate all 3 cats in my family.
Despite my best efforts to dissuade her, Melissa knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t about to back down.
She refused to listen to anything I had to say (perpetual teenager?) and still yells at me when I start telling her something she doesn’t want to hear.
Sometimes I get an image of a child throwing a tantrum, screaming and putting their paws (fingers) in their ears.
Ever since her first day here, Melissa had never shown the slightest servility to the top cat, Sahara, and had never intended anything other than to rule the household.
I explained that there are different ways to express dominance and that violence is not always the best way. But of course, with “paws in her ears” Melissa did not hear me and completely rejects my requests.
Melissa is now over 2 years old.
Melissa is now the dominant cat.
Her relationships with Violet and Starlight are generally well-balanced and respectful most of the time.
However, with Sakhara, the conflict continues unabated.
Sahara refuses to formally relinquish her position.
Melissa continues to hit Sakhara at least once a day and does her best to do so. Even if Sahara is sitting on my lap minding her own business, Melissa will attack. I can see in Melissa’s eyes and body language as she prepares to strike.
Nothing I’ve done to try to stop this has made a difference at all, except for now. If I hiss at Melissa or admonish her, she backs off and then just waits until I stop looking.
Due to Sakhara’s age and overall health (about 21 years old), I still have some confusion. To me, Sahara deserves some respect as she has always been kind, caring and considerate of others.
Sahara has chosen to sleep in a room alone with the door closed. That way she doesn’t have to walk past Melissa to get to the litter box after I go to bed. I’m fine with that, but when I open up to her in the morning, Melissa bursts right past me at lightning speed.
In my efforts to resolve things between these two, I discovered a past life in which Melissa and Sahara had a terrible conflict that resulted in terrible torture and death for Melissa. Melissa doesn’t forgive, and Sahara won’t even forgive herself.
So the karma continues.
While I have not completely given up on my efforts to help each of these beautiful creatures find inner peace, there is a powerful lesson for me in all of this. While meditating one day, I was told to use this affirmation:
“I accept God’s perfection in everything.
I stopped having to fix everything.”
A really powerful lesson. It’s not up to me to resolve this. It depends on them.
#cat #soap #opera
